Confidence – A state of mind

Defining confidence can be tricky. Some people appear to be naturally more confident than others. Others might find confidence more difficult to find.

Confidence is a state of mind

Unfortunately, there is not a set of rules about confidence that we can easily learn. If there was, then we would all be given the rule book at school and few of us would be suffering from a lack of it. Rather, confidence is the product of other positive states of mind. It derives from a feeling of well-being, acceptance of your ‘self’, an appreciation of your mind, and a belief in your abilities, skills, and achievements. By having a secure sense of self, you will naturally feel more confident when facing the rest of the world but having a set of techniques that work for you when the nerves kick in can really work.

Why we may lack confidence

Many people suffer from low self-confidence due to a variety of factors. This might be a fear of criticism, past experience of failure, unhappiness with their personal appearance, or a feeling of being unprepared and out of their depth. While the latter may relate to a particular role or situation, some of the other factors might be more longstanding. We can address situations where we feel out of our depth through planning and preparation, tackling some of the other issues may take more work.

The voice in the head

We all have it, we talk to ourselves a lot of the time, so much so that we stop noticing much of it. If however you start to notice what your inner voice is saying you may notice that it is often unhelpful, particularly going into or being in a situation where we feel less confident. If we are talking to ourselves about it negatively we often then start to feel worse and there is a risk that the emotion will overwhelm. This is when we feel that sense of nervousness/panic and appear less confident to others. There are a range of techniques to help you switch/stop that downward spiral; for example imagining the real best case scenario rather than the absolute worse case scenario – simple sounding yet so effective.

All is not always as it seems

Many people who may at first appear confident, actually lack confidence. What they are doing is giving the onlooker an approximation of confident behaviour as they understand it. By understanding the body language, tone of voice and use of words that signal confidence, it is perfectly possible to appear confident. It can be reassuring to remember that nobody knows how you are feeling but they will make assumptions based on what they see and hear. Real confidence, however, comes from a deeper sense of strength, understanding and appreciation of who we are as people, our capabilities and achievements along with the skill of managing how we are feeling.

Confidence begets confidence, and with practice, what starts out as learned behaviour soon reflects a deeper inner self-confidence.